Vanilla Daddy

A week or so ago I had another outburst..at work. I flooded you with texts about my disatisfaction with our relationship, our sex life, and its lack of meaning. You were not prepared for the things I said, and as usual responded with 'I dont know what you want', 'Its hard for me', 'I dont know what to do', 'why does it have to be that way all the time?' and 'why cant you enjoy normal sex like I can/why does it have to be rough?'.

Firstly, you should know by now what I want, and if you don't it is your own fault for not listening or taking the initive. I have tired to include you in online disscussions, I have made my blog and my fetlife profile availible to you so that you can read about my fetishes and more importantly over the last 2 years I have discussed them with you...or where you just not taking it in?

 secondly I know it is hard for you, maybe you find it embarracing your wife calling you Daddy...I understand that, but I think it is more embarracing for me. Personally I find it much easier to carry out somone elses desire or fetish than my own. Doing somthing for somone else does not leave you vulnrable, it is not your deep dark desire, it is mine, my secret, my shame, not yours so you need not feel ashamed or embrraced about it.

 Thirdly you should know what to do becasue we have disscussed this, and more to the point, its not about having a script and being perfect. Its about taking on a role and doing what feels right to you. Not all fathers are the same, and not all doms are the same, and Daddy doms are no different! Countless bloggs list the qualities of a 'proper Dadddy Dom'  but the truth is, they are what they are. Who they choose to be. It is down to personal preferance, personal interpretation. What I think of, may not be what you think of, and thats ok because really daddies are often not the perfect beings thier daughters wish them to be either! We all have faults and little quirks.

Fourthly, I never said it had to be all the time, somtimes would be a good start! Although I will admit that I would like this to be a dynamic in our relationship that could become 24/7 in the home, but I am willing and happy to start at the begining and see how we get on! But if we dont even do it somtimes, you can't complain I want it all the time!

Fifthly (is that even a word or have I just made that one up?...nevermind), I have asked myself why I cannot enjoy 'normal sex' the way that you can. I have wondered if I am really in love with you, or if I am just in love with the idea of you. Why I must have you play this role...and I came to an interesting conclusion. My normal is not your normal! so simple! To me this dynamic is normal. It is then that I feel I can be my true self, call me stunted I dont care. It may seen strange to you that I am that child like person inside but it is true and 'normal' or vanilla sex to me feels like a role play, a bit of an act, not really real.

 I have also realised afew things about my attraction to you as it has come to my attention that I may have fallen for you because you reminded me of my Daddy. Not my biological father, he was not my Daddy, he was never much of a father emotionally as you well know and have seen for youself, but my great grandfather. You have herd me talk about him on many occassions, and although you never met him, you have herd about him and seen pictures. When my great grandmother remarked before her passing, that you reminded her of her husband, I thought it was funny, and did not take it too seriously. But now that I have seen pictures of him as a younger man  and  have grown to understand him from a more adult perspective, I think that she was right. You have some similar personality traits and even look similar, let this not diminish what we have, it is ment as a compliment; it is well known that a girls first love is her Daddy.


You are a decent man, one who loves with all his heart, but who can get caught up on the unimportant material things in life. My great grandfather too had his faults, which for a long time I was unwilling to accept and I wouldnot hear of it from relatives who would speak of his less favourable traits. I idolised him, and thought that if i were to accept his faults it would diminish the love I recieved from him and felt for him in return. I realise now that I was wrong and I have with time been able to accept that he was at times harsh with people, but not with me, and stubborn and able to take a grudge, but he mellowed in his old age and was always good to me. In accepting this I have perhaps a more grounded view of my grandfather.

 I have found it difficult also, perhaps due to my mental health condition which makes it hard for me to see both sides of the specturm, to see the good and the bad in you and accept them both in conjunction with each other. I know I have a tendancey to only see the good, or only see the bad which can make me harsh and cold towards you when I am unable to see your good qualities. I accept that I may be exepecting too much too soon. I want the whole world on my plate. I often 'dont see the wood for the trees' and get so caught up in the end result that I cannot find the resources to actually make things happen, to turn words into action. But I do try to correct my faults which I am all too awear of, and thats a start.

...and so I find myself at a crossraods, and I do not know which way to turn. I feel as if I have been standing here for some time. I keep returning to this place unable to move on. Should I just forget about this whole thing?.. as I have often wondered about my religion. What then if I where to walk away and leave this behind? Would I be able to be happy? I think you might be happier in which case is it fair on you? But wouldnt I resent you in time? Would I have regrets? Isnt this all just too hard, too time consuming and exhaughsting to bother with? Why put myself through this? I know that if I do not take the next step, whatever it is, I will be stuck here forever. And if I do not make it happen, I may well be full of regret and 'what ifs'. But I also fear that in taking a step towards my goal, my desire, I might also be taking a step away from you towards the arms of somone else. I want us to take these steps together, hand in hand. I know it is not going to be easy but I cannot and do not want to do this alone or with sombody else. That would be a great loss to me and I would be full of regret, but at the present time I do not see how this is possible between us. I do not think it likely that you will undergo some great transformation and be the perfect Daddy as I have envisioned it, I have to be realistic. I think there needs to be compramise on both parts, comitment and alot of talking.