I'm Sorry

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To: Daddy

From: little n

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Message:

I just wanted to let you know that I am sorry for the way I have behaved, even before I know you are angry, as I am sure you will be angry with me...when you read what I have sent you. The thing is, sometimes I get a little out of control. I act like a brat. But I only do so because I want to get noticed, to get a response. Sometimes I just keep pushing you until you can take no more. I try to make you angry on purpose, and then regret it. As I write this, and I imagine how angry you may get at me, I find I am already sorry for that I have done before it is even realised. I imagine your anger rising up in you and I want to kneel before you and just submit to you, there see, I can do it. My anger soon diminishes and turns to love on witnessing yours. Your anger means something to me. It means you care, and it shows you are in control. When a person is angry they lose a bit of their control over themselves, a bit of their true self comes out. It is when you are angry that I feel closest to you;  when your emotions are raw and plain for me to see. Perhaps you are not angry. Perhaps I am just making this all up in my head. If that is true then I am heart broken. If I may do as I please without angering you then you do not care for me at all. If you do not get angry with me then you just lie down and take it. Pathetic. Don't you see? I need a man who can get angry with me, and put me back into my place. I need boundaries, I need your guidance, your control over me. If I over step the mark, then tell me. If I test you, let it be known that it is unacceptable. I will try to push you, but do not give in. You have to be strong, stronger than I. Be a man, get angry and tell me off. Show your passions; do not be quiet and melancholic as I so often am. Because if you do not do this, I think I might go completely out of control and destroy this relationship and by the time you react and make me realise what I am doing, it will be too late. The damage will have been done. So please be firm and strong with me dear husband, and show your wife that you love her, always.