Overfamiliar Doms- Dangerous Doms

Little n says..

Since joining fetlife I have had a few propositions from Doms despite the fact I have listed on my profile that I have a partner/Dom and that I am not looking for a Dom. But I’m not sure many of them really do that much background research before they message me! One particular Dom from Yorkshire, England (which isn’t too far away from me) messaged me after I had commented on his discussion on watersports. Clearly encouraged by our mutual interest …and perhaps the fact that I am only 21!

Anyway right from the start I was surprised by this guy’s arrogance and I knew I was dealing with someone who spent way too much time on fetlife trying to pick up young sub girls…I could see he did that just be viewing his friends list! Lol I was obviously one of a long list of sub girls he was chatting to and I bet he said the same things to all of them. He was too personal from the start but I allowed him to be my friend (more out of sympathy and I thought meh, what harm can it do?) and he messaged me a few times after that. I wasn’t really bothered, but this guy clearly wanted more than just a chat about our mutual interest. He wanted me to be taken in by him, to do what he wanted and to meet him…er no thanks. He was really into heavy make-up (I rarely put foundation on!)  And requested that I wore red lipstick when I messaged him…who did this guy think he was!

It occurred to me that there must be a lot of online Doms like this who believe that just because a female says she is a sub she will take orders from any man claiming to be a Dom…not so. In my opinion submission is a gift, and not something that a Dom has a right to, or can expect when meeting/contacting a submissive for the first time simply because that is what she is into. I fancy men and women but I don’t fancy them all, nor do I want an intimate relationship with them all either! I think a new Dom meeting a submissive for the first time would have to give the submissive a good reason to give this gift to him, he has to earn it otherwise the relationship becomes unbalanced and can be abusive. If a Dom was not respectful towards me and not the perfect gentleman alarm bells would be going on in my head. Just because I’m into masochism and submission does not mean I’m going to take crap off you. And if a Dom feels that he has to prove himself then perhaps he will make a better Dom who is not selfish and does not take his submissive for granted.

I know there are a lot of D/s partners or whatever who operate online (long distance) who are not in a traditional ‘vanilla’ relationship and may not have feelings for one another, but my submission comes out of love and it seems this is often the case with female bloggers. I could not imagine submitting to someone who I did not have any feelings for. Well ok, I admit, I could submit to someone who I lusted after maybe but I still think it is better who have a deeper connection than just lust. You have to be able to trust them and understand them, to know what they are thinking, and I think that kind of emotional connection adds meaning to the acts of Dominance and submission. So with that in mind, what exactly did this 50 year old Dom think he had to offer me?

Yesterday it took a more interesting turn when I logged into fetlife and found displayed on my homepage and update about a discussion he had started. The discussion was about his ‘frigid sub wife’ yes that’s right this guy is attached…but wait didn’t it say he was single on his profile and looking for a life partner? Hadn’t it ever dawned on him that the reason his wife does not want to play with him was because he was a bad Dom, and a bad Husband. I wonder how many other ‘Doms’ there are like him around.