Reblog taken from Sexual Dynamics:"What do I understand by submissive?"

"What do I understand by submissive? Let me put it as succinctly as I can. If a girl is submissive to me it means I can put my hand up her skirt any time I please. She isn’t going to say, ‘Stop it! There are people watching.’ She isn’t going to say, ‘I’m not in the mood.’ She isn’t going to say (worst of all), ‘Don’t you ever think of anything else?’ Because, being submissive, she has always already said yes.

Do girls have any idea what an incredible sense of freedom and power a man gets from knowing this? It’s so amazing that I wonder why every man isn’t a dominant. Who wouldn’t want to feel this way? Occasionally I’m even tempted to think that all men must in fact be dominant, it’s just that some lack the nerve to come out. And then I remember girls who’ve told me about trying to explain to their partner what they want, what they really really want. And being met with blank incomprehension, or even downright hostility and disgust.

So, it seems, it’s only a few lucky guys who feel this way, who get to have sex the way they want it, when they want it, who don’t have to negotiate, don’t have to beg or wheedle, don’t have to pretend to feelings they don’t have or be nice in dishonest ways.

The great thing about d/s is that the sex issue is settled. You don’t have to start from scratch each time, jostling to put yourself in the most advantageous position to secure what you want. There’s no trading or negotiating. Sex isn’t a reward for good behaviour, or denial a punishment for bad. She’s already said, just tell me what you want and I’ll do it. Sex isn’t standing in for something else. It’s for and of itself, and each of you has decided that what works for you is when one party takes control.

But let there be no mistake. Being a dom isn’t a licence to be an asshole. I don’t see that a dom has any less obligation than a vanilla guy to be all the things that girls like. To try and be charming and well-groomed and attentive, and a good listener as well as a good talker, one who doesn’t head for the exit if she starts to cry. And, yes, one who does his share around the house (cooking is such a domly thing, don’t you think?).

I’m not sure how relevant this is, but Jane Smiley has an interesting description of one of the characters in her new novel, Private Life. ‘He was one of those sorts of men that women were wiser to stay away from, men who took an interest in women, and observed them, and knew what they were thinking.’ Why should women stay away from such men? Maybe she explains this later in the book; I haven’t got there yet. Maybe it’s because women can lose their hearts to such men. And that’s always dangerous. But I think that’s what women want, really; someone who knows what they’re thinking. Don’t they?" 

Sexual Dynamics:Memoirs of a Discerning Dom 

little n says....

I agree, being a dom is two way, they have a responsibility to their submissives whether they are sirs, masters or daddys or whatever they like to be known as. Doms should remember that thier submissives have put them into their position and they should not abuse it, their position can be easily taken away if they do. A dom is chosen by a submissive because they have their respect, if they loose that respect they are no longer a dom in my opinion. And nothing is more sexy than a man that understands just what you're thinking!