Submissive Sanctuary: Submission is Not About Telling Him What To Do?!

Submissive Sanctuary: Submission is Not About Telling Him What To Do?!: I've been thinking again ( I know, dangerous stuff)...Anyways, these concepts are not about the Dom someone met last week or the fledgling r...

little n says..

This blog post made me think because my dom is new to this and requires help from me to get going, does this mean I am not submissive? What am I supossed to do, expect him to just work it all out for himself leaving us both unsatisfied? Unlike some doms, mine is not a sadist, and this is not really his fetsih, he is learning because this is what I want. I trust him and I am very willing to submit, but he can't do this without my help. This issue ties in well with my last post (the video) of a sub explaining why topping from the bottom was not always a negative thing.    

The morning after

Little n says...

I woke up this morning with a mild hangover, a blurry memory and aches and pains all over my body..but I can't remember most of it, so I guess I'll have to have another more sober go again tonight!

Topping from the bottom...a bad thing?

little n says...

I found this video on youtube and found it refreshing because it considers the dynamic between novice Doms and their submissives and the 'problem' of topping from the bottom. 

My Perfect Dom

 little n says..

 I’m sure all subs/littles have an idea of what their perfect Dom would be like, here’s mine:

Age: Between 25-40

Occupation: Something which involved a managerial/leadership role which taught them how to deal with people in their everyday lives. (I want them to be confident). Doesn’t matter if it was teaching/lecturing, public sector work, or business related or how much it paid so long as they were not expected to run around too much after somebody else because I would want them to be strong minded and decisive, not compliant. 

Physical attributes: Average to tall height, medium build and smartly dressed. Dark or red hair. Broad shoulders and should look slim, but not be overly toned- I don’t like men who spend all their time in the gym. 

Personality: Brooding with a sadistic sense of humour and a really dirty mind to match mine. Calm, confident, and quiet-more of an observer and one to one speaker but also capable of delivering a  confident speech. Someone who knows just what you’re thinking and who is just as insatiable as me who ‘keeps me on my toes’. Worldly and sophisticated. Always in the right frame of mind and not afraid to share a private moment with his sub even when in public- I don’t like it when people change out of their Dom ‘role’ when in other company and even display sub personality traits, it makes it all seem fake. Somone who borders on controlling, and has a need/desire to take care of me. Somone who enjoys sexual submission because they have a bit of a sadistic streak going on. 

Manner: Calm, private, confident, reserved, and polite, with a trace of dark humour and a hint of sexuality bubbling under the surface at all times as if its always there waiting to come out to grab your attention. A piercing gaze capable of making you squirm and make you feel like your naked or doing something inapropriatly naughty- I find that combination mysterious! 

Some Examples: (in no particular order) Derren Brown the (gay) illusionist coz he’s attractive, has some of the right personality traits and is quite nice looking and is always well dressed! Micky Rourke in 9 ½ weeks as John-he plays his part well in my opinion, but I know in real life it’s a different story, and these days a different face too lol. Strangely Dr  House M.D (played by Hugh Laurie) kinda ticks some boxes which seems strange coz his previous roles have all been a bit ‘silly’ (for comedic purposes, I’m not calling him silly!). Tom Cruise when he played Lestat (I do not like Tom Cruise generally, I just like Lestat- he played the ‘brat price’ well as did the actor in queen of the damned just in a different more modern way). Till Lindemann from Rammstein coz hes huge and domineering physically, and seems to play out that role on stage quite well and isn’t bad looking either. James Spader in the Secretary played his role well as a Dom, but I don’t find him that physically attractive. Damian Lewis as Soames in Forsyte Saga in a sort of repressed Victorian/Edwardian way!..im sure theres more.

I might have to keep an update going on celeb men who are good dom material at this rate!

Question Time

little n says..

After reading the article I found on the BDSM institute I had a few questions. I’m hoping once I’ve posted this my sir/daddy will add to this with his own answers and comments, and that other Doms will comment and answer the questions, and maybe subs/littles will also answer in relation to their doms/daddys. (Some of these are taken from the article which you will find here). 

  1.    Why do you want to be a Dominant?

  2.Was it in your heart to be Dominant or did you have to really work on it/learn?

3.    What type of Dom are you?

4.    Are you naturally sadistic?

5.    If you want to be a Dom for someone else are you willing to go as far as that person wants/needs for the sake of their pleasure (even if it is not your kind of thing/not what you want to do)?

6.    What do you think a submissive is?

7.    How do you see your role as a Dom (i.e.what is it to be a Dom?)?

8.    Are you dominant in your everyday life? i.e. at work, with other people etc.

9.    How do you get into your Dom frame of mind?

10. What kind of Dominance do you enjoy? -Rough physical stuff, pain, mental fuckery, fear play, humiliation, exhibitionism?

11. How much control do you want/expect/have over your sub?